eloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and
be in health , just as your soul prospers. - 3 John 1:2
be in health , just as your soul prospers. - 3 John 1:2
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| Copyright T Gordon 2007. Whole Souls Organization All rights reserved. Do not copy, distribute or use any part of this work without express, written permission from the creator of Whole Souls, T Gordon. |
What does love mean to you? Everyone may have a differing view
on the matter but there are some basic attributes that real love should possess. First,
we will start with the three R’s; Respect, Recognition, and Reciprocity.
The three R’s are something that everyone wants in a relationship. The three R’s are
basic unspoken rules required for any relationship to thrive and grow at its full
potential. If any of these are not functioning at any time, there is usually one person
who is not happy in the relationship. Let’s explore each of these.
Respect
Aretha Franklin sings the famous song “R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to
me” No truer words have ever been sung. Respect may be defined differently based
on the individual. What I need someone to do in order to feel respected may not be
the same as what you need.
Respect is by definition is: to consider worthy of high regard or to refrain from
interfering with. Everyone desires to have respect from others, especially from those
that are closest to them. It is my opinion that even though everyone is entitled to
respect, there is a certain amount of respect that needs to be earned. In order to fully
respect someone, you have to take the time to become very well acquainted with
them. You have to be willing to learn what they like, what they don’t like, what
their boundaries are, how they feel about certain issues, etc. This type of respect is
vital to every love relationship. In order to completely love a person, respect will
play a key role.
on the matter but there are some basic attributes that real love should possess. First,
we will start with the three R’s; Respect, Recognition, and Reciprocity.
The three R’s are something that everyone wants in a relationship. The three R’s are
basic unspoken rules required for any relationship to thrive and grow at its full
potential. If any of these are not functioning at any time, there is usually one person
who is not happy in the relationship. Let’s explore each of these.
Respect
Aretha Franklin sings the famous song “R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to
me” No truer words have ever been sung. Respect may be defined differently based
on the individual. What I need someone to do in order to feel respected may not be
the same as what you need.
Respect is by definition is: to consider worthy of high regard or to refrain from
interfering with. Everyone desires to have respect from others, especially from those
that are closest to them. It is my opinion that even though everyone is entitled to
respect, there is a certain amount of respect that needs to be earned. In order to fully
respect someone, you have to take the time to become very well acquainted with
them. You have to be willing to learn what they like, what they don’t like, what
their boundaries are, how they feel about certain issues, etc. This type of respect is
vital to every love relationship. In order to completely love a person, respect will
play a key role.
Recognition
Most people want to be recognized for the good things that they do. They especially want to be recognized
by the recipient of the action. Recognition means special notice or attention.
When your significant other does an act of love just for you, do you let them know you are appreciative?
Get into the act of recognition. Never assume that it is a person’s job to do what they do for you.
Everyone has a choice and the truth is they don’t have to do it. But, because they do, they want to be
recognized.
When recognition is not actively present in a relationship, some might tend to stop trying, because they
will feel as if the other person does not care. When you are doing all you can to please someone and they
don’t even say thank you, would you want to keep doing it? Not likely. We are made in the image of God.
Just like God wants our recognition and praise for all that He does, our human nature desires the same.
Recognition is not always easy when the relationship is not where you want it to be, but trust me, just
saying, “thank you & I appreciate you” will go a long way. I challenge you to try this simple act and let
me know the result.
Reciprocity
Now, let’s take it a step further. Reciprocity means consisting of or functioning as a return in kind, to give
or take mutually. After respect and recognition, come reciprocity. The act of showing love, by returning
love. There are many ways to be reciprocal. When someone so graciously gives time, effort, and resources
to you, you have the responsibility to do the same. Though you may not be able to do it exactly as they
did, you can do something to show that love. When someone really loves you they appreciate all your
efforts at reciprocity, great and small. If you are unwilling to reciprocate, then I can assure that you are not
in love.
Reciprocity is an act that will require some thinking & creativity. Giving and showing love is reciprocity in
action. Reciprocity requires your resources, time and effort. The results will be well worth it. In a true love
relationship, when you give, more is given to you. No one person in a relationship should bear the
burden of doing everything for the other. Both parties should be willing to give to each other.
If you consistently spent money on someone, showing them that you care and they never returned the
favor, would you think that person truly loved you? Probably not! Reciprocity is another very important
principle that must be applied continually for a real love relationship to function at its optimum.
The three R’s are fairly simple principles to practice. They all require action and work from each person in a
relationship. If you are willing to give the three R’s, then they will be returned to you. If you feel principles
are not being returned within a reasonable amount of time, then you & your partner may need to
reevaluate your current relationship.
Happy relating with the three R’s!
Most people want to be recognized for the good things that they do. They especially want to be recognized
by the recipient of the action. Recognition means special notice or attention.
When your significant other does an act of love just for you, do you let them know you are appreciative?
Get into the act of recognition. Never assume that it is a person’s job to do what they do for you.
Everyone has a choice and the truth is they don’t have to do it. But, because they do, they want to be
recognized.
When recognition is not actively present in a relationship, some might tend to stop trying, because they
will feel as if the other person does not care. When you are doing all you can to please someone and they
don’t even say thank you, would you want to keep doing it? Not likely. We are made in the image of God.
Just like God wants our recognition and praise for all that He does, our human nature desires the same.
Recognition is not always easy when the relationship is not where you want it to be, but trust me, just
saying, “thank you & I appreciate you” will go a long way. I challenge you to try this simple act and let
me know the result.
Reciprocity
Now, let’s take it a step further. Reciprocity means consisting of or functioning as a return in kind, to give
or take mutually. After respect and recognition, come reciprocity. The act of showing love, by returning
love. There are many ways to be reciprocal. When someone so graciously gives time, effort, and resources
to you, you have the responsibility to do the same. Though you may not be able to do it exactly as they
did, you can do something to show that love. When someone really loves you they appreciate all your
efforts at reciprocity, great and small. If you are unwilling to reciprocate, then I can assure that you are not
in love.
Reciprocity is an act that will require some thinking & creativity. Giving and showing love is reciprocity in
action. Reciprocity requires your resources, time and effort. The results will be well worth it. In a true love
relationship, when you give, more is given to you. No one person in a relationship should bear the
burden of doing everything for the other. Both parties should be willing to give to each other.
If you consistently spent money on someone, showing them that you care and they never returned the
favor, would you think that person truly loved you? Probably not! Reciprocity is another very important
principle that must be applied continually for a real love relationship to function at its optimum.
The three R’s are fairly simple principles to practice. They all require action and work from each person in a
relationship. If you are willing to give the three R’s, then they will be returned to you. If you feel principles
are not being returned within a reasonable amount of time, then you & your partner may need to
reevaluate your current relationship.
Happy relating with the three R’s!
| (If you have not read the What Love Isn't section, please do. This section gives some very good insight into what love is NOT. Click here to go there.) |
Respect is more than just a word, it is an action. You exercise respect by allowing people to grow and just
be themselves. You exercise respect through being kind and gracious. You exercise respect through giving
your full attention and taking the time to learn of the person you are relating to. You exercise respect by
not always telling your loved one exactly what is on your mind. (I know I lost some of you here.) There is
a time and place to express your emotions and true respect will help you to dictate when. Respect is not
always easy, especially when you don’t share the person’s same opinions on every issue. (which will
happen to everyone at some point). Giving respect is learning how to have your own opinion while still
allowing another person to have theirs.
Respect is understanding what your loved one does and does not like. If you care for a person, who does
not like to have a conversation when their favorite show is on, then politely wait until the show is over to
talk. If your partner wants to go visit a museum, but you don’t necessarily want to go, at least be willing
to compromise and go because your partner likes it. They will appreciate the respect and return the favor.
These are just light examples of respect in action. Of course there are many more scenarios that are deeper,
but you get the idea.
Having respect is handling conflict the right way and fighting fair. When your loved one hurts you (and
they will), you do not retaliate with harsh words that could possibly wound them. Do not bring up past
mistakes, in an effort to hurt them. Do not berate them because they did not handle a situation the same
way you would. Handle them with love. There are times when you may have to be firm, but you can be
firm without harming the person emotionally. Respect is treating people how you would want to be
treated, and if you want to be treated badly then I suggest you seek counseling immediately because that is
a serious issue.
Try to exercise respect in your daily interaction with the person you love, you will see a tremendous
improvement and closeness in your relationship.
be themselves. You exercise respect through being kind and gracious. You exercise respect through giving
your full attention and taking the time to learn of the person you are relating to. You exercise respect by
not always telling your loved one exactly what is on your mind. (I know I lost some of you here.) There is
a time and place to express your emotions and true respect will help you to dictate when. Respect is not
always easy, especially when you don’t share the person’s same opinions on every issue. (which will
happen to everyone at some point). Giving respect is learning how to have your own opinion while still
allowing another person to have theirs.
Respect is understanding what your loved one does and does not like. If you care for a person, who does
not like to have a conversation when their favorite show is on, then politely wait until the show is over to
talk. If your partner wants to go visit a museum, but you don’t necessarily want to go, at least be willing
to compromise and go because your partner likes it. They will appreciate the respect and return the favor.
These are just light examples of respect in action. Of course there are many more scenarios that are deeper,
but you get the idea.
Having respect is handling conflict the right way and fighting fair. When your loved one hurts you (and
they will), you do not retaliate with harsh words that could possibly wound them. Do not bring up past
mistakes, in an effort to hurt them. Do not berate them because they did not handle a situation the same
way you would. Handle them with love. There are times when you may have to be firm, but you can be
firm without harming the person emotionally. Respect is treating people how you would want to be
treated, and if you want to be treated badly then I suggest you seek counseling immediately because that is
a serious issue.
Try to exercise respect in your daily interaction with the person you love, you will see a tremendous
improvement and closeness in your relationship.
| What Love is... The Series This section will feature a series of articles discussing the various aspects of what real love is. |
| Please visit this section, there are great tips for couples whether married or dating! Click here: 15 Healthy Ways To Say I Love You. |
